1. YOU SPEND A FORTUNE SETTING UP A HOME OFFICE
Complete with ergonomic chair and $1000 worth of kikki.K, yet you still find yourself working from the sofa in your living room, laptop spread across your knees. Tomorrow you will definitely start working from your home office, you tell yourself (repeat mantra daily).
2. WEEKEND WALKS
When people ask you what you’re up to for the weekend, you look at them like a golden retriever being shown a card trick. What is a weekend? You might have had those once, but they’re a long-forgotten memory now.
3. DIET? WHAT DIET?
You think five cups of coffee, two bars of chocolate and some cold leftovers from last night’s dinner make for a highly balanced diet. If you manage to sneak in a banana, you practically high-five yourself in the bathroom mirror.
4. THE ULTIMATE LIE
You have to restrain yourself from strangling people with your power cord every time you get asked, “What’s it like to have so much time off?”
5. PETS AS COLLEAGUES
You start to see your cats (or dogs) as work colleagues. You’ll bounce ideas off their bored little faces, moan about clients who haven’t paid and talk to them about upcoming projects as they use their kitty litter. The one thing you won’t do with your fur colleagues? Share your cupcakes with them. Because hey, you’ve got to draw the line somewhere.
6. THE GO-TO PERSON
Everyone calls in on you for favours because, “You’re at home anyway.” This means that while you’re supposed to be writing an in-depth feature on medical cannabis, you can be found picking up your next door neighbour’s child from school or walking their dog.
7. FAMILY TIME
Your parents want to know why you don’t come over more often during the week because, “You’re at home anyway.”
8. HOME MAINTENANCE
Your partner is always asking you why you haven’t picked up the dry cleaning/cooked dinner/done the laundry because – you guessed it – “You’re at home anyway.”
9. YES, PLEASE
You accept every job offered your way even though you’re already panicked about how much you have on your plate, for fear that the work will dry up next week. And when it doesn’t… you’ll just have to pull all-nighters (even if you have children who will be awake at 5.50am).
When your snacks run out, you resort to cooking chocolate and you don’t care who knows it.
11. INVOICE HELL
You begin to rock and laugh manically whenever you hear one of the following sentences, “You’ll get paid when we get paid,” “Will you work for exposure?” “It will be in your bank account shortly I’m sure,” “Can you do a lot more for a bit less?” and “Well, I have plenty of interns who would be more than happy to do it for a fraction of that price.”
12. TALK TO ME
You’re so devoid of company you think nothing of physically preventing your postie from leaving your front yard or foyer as you lean across the door frame and enquire about his weekend/life/state of marriage.
13. POSSIBILITY OF ESCAPE
You get excited at the idea of a meeting with a client. Finally! An excuse to dress up and talk to someone other than your cats for an hour. So what if you’ve forgotten heels and arrive in your slippers or flip flops (it has happened).
14. WALKING A TIGHTROPE
Walking to the nearest cafe is usually your only form of exercise. That, and getting up to use the toilet and look for the cooking chocolate.
You also know that despite the previous 14 points, you do have the most awesome job in the world. Even in your PJs…